Mountain Lake native pens guide for transition from high school to college for students – and their parents
It is that summertime time of year.
As July grows to a close, August nears and September is on the horizon, store flyers are being scoured and thrift stores searched in order to pack up – and put up – the perfect first-year college dorm room.
An estimated 3.4 million first-time college freshmen will load up their futons and dreams this fall, leaving frightened, overly-attached parents in their wake. These parents have survived diapers and championed their kids through puberty, braces and high school graduation. Now, they’re facing something new – the freshman year. And letting go.
“The transition from high school to college is a bittersweet voyage of mixed emotions – for both students and parents,” explains Kelly Radi, author of “Out to Sea: A Parents’ Survival Guide to the Freshman Voyage.”
After 18 years of pouring their hearts into their kids, parents struggle with the idea of plopping them on a college campus – and walking away. Visit any college campus on move-in day and you’ll see moms and dads trying to keep it together as they schlep plastic totes up residence hall stairs. They’ll do their best to put on a good face. But underneath the surface, they’re thinking: “This is my baby! How will he (or she) survive?” And, for most parents, the bigger question lurking is: “How will I survive?”
Each child starts college only once. This milestone is a big one. Parents get only one shot at this moment of letting go. What can they do to equip their kids for success prior to moving out? What can they do or say to help the launch go smoothly? How can they impart wisdom? And enable independence? Parental brains quietly tell them to give space and let go, but parents’ hearts scream, “Hold on tight!”
“You will survive,” says Radi, a mother of a college junior and a high school senior. “I promise.” But it won’t be easy and it requires a change in thinking. “As difficult as it is, parents must recognize this is college- not high school. College does not look or feel or taste or smell like high school. Our roles and responsibilities as parents change at this point.”
Where’s a parent to begin? How does one transition into the role of college parent? Radi offers these tips:
+ Don’t hover. Your child will not learn valuable life lessons if you’re problem-solving for her.
+ Take a mentorship approach. Be available to listen and advise when asked.
+ Model emotionally-healthy behavior for your child. If she has a tantrum, don’t have one of your own.
+ Appropriate communication is essential – be an active listener.
+ Once you’ve said your good-byes on move-in day, go home. Leaving is inevitable. Prolonging it helps nobody. Bring tissues.
In “Out to Sea: A Parents’ Survival Guide to the Freshman Voyage,” Radi goes into further detail about the practical and emotional aspects of the freshman year. From helicopter parenting, academic expectations, addressing mental health issues and money management – to how to get the most out of freshman orientation, “Out to Sea” provides suggestions and solutions to parental challenges.
Her final piece of advice? “Remember, your job is to leave your child with a set of twin XL sheets and the confidence that he (or she) is equipped for this next stage of life. You’ve prepared for this day. Your child has the privilege of attending college. So step back and let her (or him) set sail!”
“Out to Sea: A Parents’ Survival Guide to the Freshman Voyage,” published by Beaver’s Pond Press, will launch this September 1. It is distributed by Itasca Books and available through Ingram Books, Baker & Taylor, Brodart, Follett, Mackin, and MBS Textbook Exchange. Parents can find it at Barnes & Noble, Amazon or ask for it at their college bookstore by name. It will be available in Mountain Lake exclusively at Mountain Lake Floral (Radi will be holding a book-signing at Mountain Lake Floral this fall, the date yet to be determined. An article will be posted on this website when the date is confirmed.)
Radi, of Sartell, is a Mountain Lake native, graduate of Mountain Lake Public High School – and the daughter of Roger and Carla Rahn. She is an author, public speaker and owner of Radi to Write, LLC, a public relations writing firm. Radi thoroughly enjoys empowering parents as they launch their students off to college and can be found speaking at high schools and on college campuses about this emotional transition. Her creative writing appears regularly on various websites, blog posts, and in regional and national magazines. Learn more about Kelly Radi at raditowrite.com.
